2005-12-26 - 8:37 a.m.

I'm Home Again (Xmas 2005)

Oh? You didn't know I left. Well, That's probably because I am terrible and forget to tell you things like I was heading out of town for Christmas.

I drove this year, surprisingly I don't normally do that if the trip is going to be short, and blasted the Big Sugar most of the trip except for the final ride back. I had a need to quiet myself down and reflect. I knew this meant I was in the mood to write. Not so surprisingly I walked in the door dumped down all the gifts and got myself into comfy lounging attire and here I sit, writing.

It was a Christmas I could do without and I don't mean that in a cold, hurtful, I'm mad at the world sort of way. I just mean that it in that it's really lost it's glow kind of way. I'm not the only one who felt that way. My sister, Spud [New Nickname], and I had a quiet near midnight chit chat about all that had gone over the past two years and how it was all a bit of a blur and coming to this Christmas it was hard to believe they (our parents, for those not playing the home game) were really gone and that it all seemed so surreal. We could have done without Christmas and it would have been just fine with all of us.

The gathering at Spud's was small it was Spud's family (her husband and kids), Jewels and her guy and me the Old Stag (Since I can't seem to manage a relationship for anything longer than a few months and lately it seems days but that's another entry entirely). We sat around an opened presents.

I'm a bad uncle because I came bearing no gifts at all this year. In my pathetic defense, I always leave my Xmas shopping to the last few days before Christmas because I seem to enjoy the massive crowds of last minute shoppers. Call it Procrastinator's Glory or something. Anyway, 3 days off before Christmas and ended up getting sick the very morning of my first day off and spent the entire 3 days leading up to Christmas in bed. I was feeling a lot better on Christmas Eve but I was still exhausted from battling it for 2 solid days that I couldn't manage to get my ass out of my bed. So, Shame on me, I'll be going out and shopping anyway and my nephews can have a Ukranian Christmas or something. (Send the Gifts so they get them January 7th, see if anyone in there household catches on.)

Anyway, We then ate. Dinner was awesome. Spud really does have the cooking talents of Dad. Although we all know he will forever be the best cook of the lot of us no matter how hard we try. He was just that talented at it.

I think I can honestly say we're now really at the beginning of the road to healing ourselves. Alot of the major event "firsts" have now passed and we can move on.

I did notice I seemed to be the only one comfortable enough to bring references to my mom and dad. Yes, they're gone and this was a very first Christmas without either of them. (Even though my dad opted out of last year's dinner cause he wasn't feeling well enough.) I will talk about them freely. I think that shows I actually did care about them (even if my relationship with my father was difficult.) We live, We learn.

Christmas is about family and our family reunited because that's what we do. But as I say every year don't forget Christmas IS just another day of the year and family togetherness should be all year 'round.

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