2002-09-23 - 3:30 a.m.

Batta, Batta, Swiiiiiiiiiiing, Batta, Batta

Ok, So I've seen Ferris Bueller a few times. Sue me.

Today I played Softball with my co-workers.

9am. Woohoo. This event was interupting my sleep. Truth be known, I was looking forward to playing. I really do like getting out and playing sports, being competitive but I never seem to do these things of my own volition.

Our hall had beaten the other hall last year by quite the shalacking. It was obvious that the manager of the other hall was out for revenge. Every single guy was a heavy hitter on the team. Our team consisted of a handful of heavy hitters, the quota of women for mixed slo-pitch, and myself.

When it comes to hitting. I'm best as a lead-off contact hitter. I've got a enough eye hand co-ordination to make contact with the ball just about every at bat. I started with a fairly light bat because I hadn't swung one in quite a few years. It's been so long in fact that I can't remember exactly when and where that was.

The other interesting part of my latest softball experience was the fact I know longer own a glove. This is a testament to amount of times I play baseball/softball. I just don't own one anymore. If I'd had more notice and realized that playing softball does, in fact, require a glove. I probably would have gone out and purchased a new glove. Then again, I'm sure you're all thinking "Well, Bingoguy, just borrow a glove from someone there." That was my final solution to the problem as I drove there. I'll just hope there's one to borrow from someone. There's a big catch though. (No pun intended)

I'm a south paw.

Now this little Softball expedition probably included over 20 people being there to play a few spectators. Do you know how many southpaws were present at this game?

One.

Me.

Thus, No spare right handed gloves. I improvized. I used my baseball cap. I never was in a position to catch a ball in the entire two games we played but everyone kept bugging me just to grab a left handed glove and wear it on my right. Those Right handed throwing people are pretty kooky. That's the most absurd and idiotic concept. For those of you who throw right handed. Next time you play softball or baseball find a southpaw and borrow his glove and try this experiment. You're better off playing bare handed. Trust me on that one.

Anyway, Let's see I played Second Base for about half the first game. I didn't play in the field the rest of the first game. The second game I played in the outfield.

Oh. I did pitch an inning. In my infinite wisdom (READ I haven't played in a LONG time). I thought we throw a curve ball at them by getting a lefty to pitch. I got eaten alive. In my defense I threw more good pitches in one inning than ANY of the other pitchers combined. Now by good pitches I mean in the strike zone. Of course, even not playing for awhile I still have some inherient talent to pitch. It's also easier under handed slo-pitch. I pitched a lot inside on them. But with Slo-pitch the heavy hitters waited me out and eventually I miscued and threw something dead over the plate. The result? Can you say "Long Distance Hit"? I knew you could. In fact, the best hit was from the very competitive manager of the other hall. I managed to get him swing at a couple pitches and thought I had him where I wanted him with 2 strikes. But I went throw another one in on his hands and I felt the ball come off my pinky finger and I knew it was gonna sail right down the middle of the plate. If you have EVER pitched you know the feeling I had. You think "Oh shit!" and then when the bat connects to the ball and the angle coming off the bat. You don't even move.. You don't turn around...you just drop to your haunches and go "fuck". To say he murdered the ball would be an understatement. There were also 2 people on base. THe only upside was there weren't 3 people on base. Needless to say, I didn't pitch again after that inning.

How did I do on the hitting front? Well, My first at bat. I was pretty eagar to hit the ball. So, Naturally, I struck out. In my defense, I struck out via Fouling out. In Slo-pitch if you foul on the 3rd strike. You're automatically out and all three of my strikes were foul balls. Ah, The Life of contact hitter. Had to change my thinking after that. I'm used to connecting to any ball that's in my strike zone. Which tends to result in a lot of foul tips. Can't have that in this game. Only swing at meat.

Let me side track for a moment. We had player playing on our team that wasn't from our hall. He seemed to be some guy that just showed up to play when he saw us playing in the ballpark. Anyway, we let him play. He had batting gloves and the whole nine yards. But I was shocked when I was pitching and I said "Fuck, I haven't thrown so much meat in my entire life." and he looked at me and said "Meat?". This shocked me. I said "Yeah, Meat. As in easy juicy where you want to hit them pitches. Meat." He looked at me somewhat still confused but agreeing "Ok." Maybe I'm the wierd one but I've been calling pitches like that "Meat" as long as I can remember.

Ok where was. Oh yes. I did manage to get on base twice but I never scored. I was left on base both times. The other 3 at bats I had were all fly outs. I finally found a bat I like. It was a 32. I'll have to remember that. It swung like butter in my hands. Had I had a chance to warm up with that bat. I would have been able to not get under the ball as much and basically put the ball anywhere I wanted to. Now, I'm talking woulda,coulda,shoulda's but I really did like that bat. I think anyone that's ever played ball will tell ya. When you're out of practice you can do the things your mind tells you are capable of doing. You're just out of practice.

When I was a kid. I think around 11 maybe? I played one year of hardball. I think it was called Mosquito league. Probably one level above Tee-Ball probably. I can't remember. My parents were trying to get me in a summer time sport that didn't cost them the kind of money ice hockey was costing them in the winter. Anyway, I played baseball that year. That was the year I found out it was advantagous to be a left handed throwing person. I was used a few times as a relief pitcher. But to say I had no control was an understatement of the biggest proportions. One of my biggest hurdles was just general strength. I didn't have the arm power to reach the plate repeatedly. When I did. Good god. tHe ball went EVERYWHERE. The first pitch I ever threw in a competive game I beaned the poor kid RIGHT in the head. In my defense the ball curved. I don't think I even understood a curve in those days. But that baby floated and then rose a touch and turned and nailed him right in the head. He took his base. The next batter. I threw a pretty nice strike the first pitch. Second pitch went into the dirt. Third. Ready for this? I creamed the kid with a direct fastball right to the head. The ump threw me out. LOL. I must say I was crappy player cause I remember sitting in the dugout with coach quite a few games. Baseball was not berry, berry good to me.

My crowning achievement. (Good God, I just realize this is another pun that I hadn't intended..you'll see read on.)Well, maybe not achievement but highlight of playing baseball that was year was losing my baseball cap and seeing one of the ground and having to go in the field I picked it up and put it on. I thought it must have been my hat but it wasn't. At the end of the inning I came back and took it off and noticed a name written in it. It wasn't mine.

Later that evening I noticed my head was really, really, REALLY itchy. I didn't know any better so I just scratched away and didn't say anything to my parents. I scratched out a couple of bugs out of my hair. I didn't think much of it. I was always outside in those days and you got various bugs on your body from going through bushes and the like. Finally, I think my mother had noticed me scratching my head all the time and looked through my hair. I know you're all ahead of me here. I had lice. Yes, I'd like to thank my one year in hardball baseball for my only time ever having to deal with lice. The moral of the story. Never, ever, EVER wear someone elses HAT.

Anyway, The outcome of today's softball games were 14-10 for them and 15-3. They took the trophy that we've had for the last year home with them to their hall. We'll have to wait til next year to get it back. That's, of course, if I am still there. I'm really hoping I've moved on by then.

That remains to be seen so...

Stay Tuned...

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