2002-03-28 - 2:11 a.m.

I'd like to order the Superstar Gold hold the Cheese Please!

If you've ever played bingo in a bingo hall you may have played in an evening session where they play a link up game with a whole bunch of other halls in your province/state.

We have such a game that our hall participates in. It was formerly called "Superstar". It was a full card for $20,000 a night. Well, Seems they couldn't raise enough to pay out $20,000 every night so they changed the format.

That was probably a good idea. They've been playing it this way for over 4 years. Well, They announced prior to the launch date just what would be involved. It would be a game played in four parts. First a pattern game (a diamond for those that are curious) then to a full card progressive jackpot. (This means they have to get the full card in so many numbers or less to win the progressive part.) Whether or not someone does that they then play on looking for a full card for the daily prize. Our hall then looks for one more full card winner as we play for a consolation prize. The upswing of this current format is our hall could win all 4 games. The old version if your hall won the $20,000 the game was over, No Consolation for anyone else. So, With that information I was telling people I thought they had the right idea.

Then comes my first night shift of the new "Superstar Gold". When I arrive for work (about 30 minutes earlier than my start time, typical for me) people are warning me I'm going to fall out of my chair that's how bad it's conducted. I decided to reserve judgement until I'd actually seen and heard it for myself.

Well, 8:30pm comes along, I stop play of the session I am in and change the cameras et all to Superstar Gold set up.

Gone were the old drum rolls that accompanied the minute to go countdown and no terrible music with 30 secs to go. What it had been replaced with was reminisant of the video game "You Don't Know Jack". You hear mumbling and people talking like it's backstage of a TV show. It's silly but tolerable. Then the guy gets cued and he start his speil with a "It's time for Suuuuuuuuuuperstar Bingo". I begin to sweat, oh my god. Please don't ruin this. The announcer guy is also your bingo caller for the game. He's EXTREMELY too happy. "Got you Dabbers ready? Well, LET'S PLAY!". You can ask your grandmothers about this one. They really don't care for too much showyness. I'm the king of showy bingo calling and this guys about 4000 miles past the line I draw. This guy could use with a couple of prosacs. No, wait, the whole bottle.

So, the inital shock I spend my time updating the number boards in our hall to list the numbers they're calling. Someone somewhere gets the Diamond Pattern. The old version used to just have a woman voice say "Bingo's Called". Mr. HappyPants says "HEY!! Folks WE'VE got a BINGO!". Just to give you some idea just HOW he says this. I parody this guy right after he said this with "HEY FOLKS!! I just got poked with a Sharp Stick!". It doesn't get much better from there. I could parody this thing all day long it's that cheezy.

Now, I can imagine if you're sitting in some stuffy boardroom watching a demo run on someones laptop with ultra nice speakers. How this would sound wonderful. Too bad most bingo halls have archaic sound systems that could be blown away by a Citizen Home Stereo System. A lot of the whole effect is just lost and sounds stupid. Imagine winning $200 (which seems to our average consolation prize) and being told by Mr Happypants that "Congratulations you're a BIG SUPERSTAR Winner". Meanwhile I start the next game playing for a jackpot of $30,000 that's gonna be won eventually by someone in our hall since it's our very own jackpot. (on a side note I gave the jackpot away the other day it was a little over $31,000 when it was won. One women. Merry Christmas in March.) When the game was over I came back on the microphone to introduce the next game and I mimicked the guy from the Superstar game. The ENTIRE hall came to a stop for 5 minutes because I floored them laughing. I'm still hearing people mention to me. Some players have actually asked me to do it again. But in the case of something like this "One Show Only" is a good way to look at it.

Once again a big corporation, in this case, BC Lotteries has a great idea and completely misses the mark by presenting something that makes older folk feel like little children. If they wanted to play a video game they'd buy computer. It's too bad too because as of my last night shift the progressive had grown to about $80,000 (about a week after it started) but it could have been making money hand over fist if they'd hadn't made something people don't want to listen to much less play. (a noticeable amount of people take the near 20 minutes it takes to play this game to go for walks around the building, go to the bathroom). Too bad they didn't take the time to realize they're game isn't a once time show it's a nightly show and all the "antics" are going to get tired VERY quickly especially since a lot of people already think they are annoying. The sad thing is it's a big corp and the new changes probably cost them a fortune so it's going to be another 4 years until they make any changes. Well, on an up note at least they found some work for the former PA announcer for the Vancouver Grizzlies.

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The Last Five Bingo Games

Ripples - 2011-02-01
Checkmate - 2010-11-11
I Need Anger - 2010-10-15
I'd Like To Point Something Out - 2010-09-10
A Tempting Morsal - 2010-08-20

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