2002-04-14 - 10:43 p.m.

Almost Over

Well, My week of vacation is quickly coming to an end. One more day off tomorrow and then it's back to the grind.

I'm indifferent to going back to work. I have to pay the bills but I wish somehow I could do something else. Not that I don't want to go back altogether. I just think I should go do something else. Probably because of all the turmoil that is happening at work although it's not obvious it's problematic. Also, since I'm not in a postion of power to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, it's difficult to not think we're just a ship taking on way too much water and no ones trying to bail.

Well, I haven't made any great changes around here. Hell, I haven't been updating. Just been taking time to myself. That's the way vacation should go. ME time. I must admit though, Thursday and Friday annoyed me. Although they didn't take up a lot of my time and Friday I made money. They still interupted the mode I was in.

Now, that mode was basically trying not to exist. I just didn't want to do a thing. I just wanted to shut down. I hate to say it but I'm probably depressed. It shows in the fact I don't want to do anything. No motivation. It's terrible. That's not helping things with Veronica and I either. I'm such a scatter brain and my focus isn't there. Which just annoys her throughly because while I am talking to her on the phone I drift. Hell, I drift when I am talking which annoys her too. She tells me I constantly start sentences and don't complete them. I think it's because I'm so used to just talking outloud to myself. (I know, I'm one of *those* people. haha) So, I'm probably finishing off the thought in my head and not even realizing it.

I wish I didn't annoy her like that. I don't want to. I don't do it intentionally. I wish I could express my feelings for her better to her. Actions not words, I suppose.

In a perfect world, I'd just get off my ass find a goldsmith to make the ring that I think she would really like and go buy the sapphire and diamonds to put in it. Make a commitment to something for the rest of my life. Of course, the world is not perfect.

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The Last Five Bingo Games

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I Need Anger - 2010-10-15
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