2002-02-18 - 1:36 a.m.

I'm a Shitty Friend

Well, The other night I was busy playing my other video game addiction, Counter Strike. I am enjoy shooting other people, it stops me from doing to people in real life. It was 2am. My phone started to ring. I was saying to myself "Who the fu**?"

It was my best friend, Bart. Bart's been going through a lot of shit lately. He had figured out what my email address was and sent me a note. It was actually very funny because it was a cryptic little note that only I would have understood. Anyway, I told him to call me sometime. Guess he figured I'd be up at 2am. Which I was. I had to work in the morning but this is my best friend and he can call me anytime really.

We talked about life with his wife. They have been married for about 7+ years. I can't remember exactly when they got married. Bad me, I was in his wedding party and everything but I've never remembered that kind of thing. Lisa and I were still together so that makes it a looong time ago. They have 4 kids now. He works full time. She's the full time housewife. They can't seem to find a balance which is sad. Sounds like they're working at it and that's half the battle. Right now, he's off on stress leave because he's been getting hurt at work. Most likely because his mind is preoccupied with stuff at home. Oh well, Take the time to fix the most important thing in his life and work will be easier for him.

What I realized from all this is, I'm supposed to be his best friend. I'm not sure I fit that catagory anymore. I just don't tend to call over to Vancouver very much. Probably because all I'm ever doing is working. My life is pretty boring. But I realized I'm not doing myself any favours without my close old friends. It's a true sign of how much of a loner I can really be and don't notice it until shit hits the fan and I have nobody to really talk to. Anyway, Bart did kind of imply I've haven't been doing that great a job of staying in contact. Closest I can gather that he can say he actually misses me. It's a guy thing I am sure.

I am a shitty friend though. I've taken things my parents have said to me as a young child growing up and taken them to artistic levels. This means, my mother once said to me "You should call people all the time. If they were true friends they'd call you". So I've swung the pendulum the entire opposite way. I never call ANYONE. I'm terrible. I hate the phone to some degree, I can talk people's ears off but most of the time I don't care much for talking on the phone. So, I don't pick it up. It's all the downside to working goofy shift work. Your home at the times when people are either at work themselves or long since in bed sleeping. So it's hard to break the habit of not picking up the phone.

I'm not trying to justify my inabilities here. Although it sure looks like it. I'm just talking outloud. I know I'm not a very good friend in those respects. I'd go to the ends of the earth for anyone I consider a friend. Very little is asking too much of me if you need my help in some way. So I do make up for it in the extremes. I could just be better day to day.

Bart said he'd like to come over this way but it's unlikely his wife would agree to let him go. So, I have put in my mind I need to make a point of going over there. It'll be the first time I need to find a hotel over there. I don't want to stay at my parents since I am really not into seeing my dad at the present point in time. I, also, don't want to ask Bart for a place. Since I'm not a kid person at all and his FOUR kids would probably drive me insane. So, that's the worst part of it all but I should go over there. He just wants someone to hang out with and be able to yap at. I can tell.

It's high time I went over and pay my friendship dues.

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