2004-02-16 - 3:55 p.m.

Here's To You...

Excuse me? Do you have any Grey Poupon?

Oh, Wait, I know you, don't I? You're the faithful reader of my diary. I guess you've noticed I haven't written anything in quite awhile.

So much has happened yet, nothing really spectacular has.

My mother's memorial service was on Valentine's Day. Some may think that's strange. The people that knew my mom and came to it probably felt it was so terribly fitting.

My sister booked a room at the local hotel, one that my mom had used for various events over the years. Another piece that fit the type of person my mom was. It was planned for 150 people. I'd have to say we were very close to that number. Going to show how my mom's life touched so many.

I got to meet many of my mom's friends from when she was a lot younger. (younger even than I am now) They had many nice stories to tell me.

It was a informal gathering, the kind my mom most often had, including my mom's time honored tradition of giving out scratch & win's to everyone in attendance.

It was three hours long and the time seemed to pretty much fly by. It was a bit surreal at times. Most everyone wanted talked to me about my recent promotion. I think this is mostly because I haven't seen much of my extended family in 10 years. I've missed so many weddings and other such social events in my family almost solely due to work and not my distance from my home town.

If there's something I learned from the event it was that I prefer wakes/memorials over funerals any day. We didn't have any speeches, there was plenty of food to be had. The mood was good and not sad. My mom liked a good party and this was one of them. Even the kids behaved very well.

As people were leaving, I even found myself saying "Thank you for coming." to a number of people. I'm not usually good at pleasantries. I just say goodbye to people without really giving it much thought but somewhere in there it hit me that I really apperciated that these people had made an effort to come remember my mom. Whether they be related, a friends of hers or friends of ours.

Most people were surprised that I was heading home the same day and going back to work the next day. But my mom always hated me taking more time off work than neccessary for any event. Which probably is part of the reason I've missed many social events in the past. So, I know she would have wanted me to get back to work and do the best I can in my new position.

As for the greiving process, it's something I'm not really familiar with. I've noticed that it happens in moments I'll be talking about her and then I'll feel the emotion behind it. I take a breath and it subsides. It hasn't hit me full on yet. I've told some people I'm sure it will hit me when I have bigger news to tell the world and I can't pick up the phone and call her. Until then it will be just those moments from time to time that it hurts.

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